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The program for the John F. Kennedy Center in the nation's capital highlights a playful dual-language show and an improvised theatrical troupe. Notably missing from the advertised schedule is Friday's Geopolitics World Cup draw, likely because it is a strictly invitation-only affair. Officials appear determined to keep out any unwanted guests from showing up at what promises to be an drawn-out, self-congratulatory procession where well-paid celebrities will undoubtedly repeat the tired cliche that "football unites the world."

A Celebrity-Filled Crew

The lavish ceremony is scheduled to be hosted by German model-turned-TV presenter Heidi Klum and small-statured American standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Joining the star power will be American football star Eli Manning on welcoming details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming correspondent. Together, they will oversee a ceremony that will undoubtedly have English football fans nostalgic for yearning for the simpler, unpretentious days of former managers, FA officials, the FA tombola and a reliable velvet bag of simple, numbered balls.

Scheduled to last the thick end of three long hours, the event will include a staggering playlist of speechifying, saccharine highlight reels, scripted gags, famous faces, musical turns from artists with perhaps no embarrassment or financial motivations, and then... at last, the actual World Cup draw.

Athletic Greats on Draw Duty

Included in those helping to conducting the ceremony? NBA giant Shaquille O'Neal, ice hockey icon Wayne Gretzky, NFL quarterback legend Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the supervision of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Given the vast, deep well of personality possessed by these ageing sporting legends, short of an armed security team storming the ceremony, it's difficult to envision what could possibly go wrong.

In reality, not much, if the insensitive defence of FIFA's widely reported World Cup exorbitant ticket pricing offered by an overly deferential spokesperson is any kind of indicator. When asked if tickets should be more affordable for average fans, the reply was non-committal. "I think we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are definitely an organization that are aware of that," was the comment. "However, I think we can look at every sector, every area, we could have that discussion about things," it was noted. The suggestion appeared that premium costs are justified when compared with other luxury goods.

The Main Event

With 42 nations already qualified for next year's jamboree and another six due to join, there will be a real air of giddiness once the opening acts conclude and the actual draw begins. While fans across the globe wait with bated breath to see which three teams their particular country will face in the group stages, the suspense will be nothing compared to that which comes before the reveal of the winner of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "people who help unite people in peace through unwavering commitment and special deeds." Considering the draw is in Washington and the tournament is mostly in the US, speculation about the recipient are widespread, though the clues are there.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was in contact with the chairman today. My relationship with him is rock solid really. I have a real transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever" – comments from a manager with a team on a five-game losing streak, providing a classic remark likely to be revisited if/when changes occur down the line.

Fan Correspondence

• "Regarding the discussion of a possible club named Kevin... there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to purchase a Highland League club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the 80s/90s, when the opponent was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "My reading ceased after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an extra official."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what memorable tune will a famous group come up with if a political figure refuses to leave the stage, thereby necessitating an additional song?"