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This period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {