Welcoming Denial: Lessons from Five Decades of Writing Experience
Facing rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. An editor is turning you down, delivering a clear “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced proposing articles half a century past, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless pieces. Over the past two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have only increased. In a typical week, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to over 100 each year. Overall, rejections over my career run into thousands. Today, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.
But, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.
By What Means Have I Accomplished It?
A bit of background: By this stage, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—it would be quite demoralizing.
For example: lately, an editor rejected 20 articles one after another before approving one. In 2016, at least 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor even asked that I submit articles less frequently.
The Seven Stages of Setback
Starting out, every no stung. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my work was being turned down, but me as a person.
No sooner a submission was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:
- Initially, surprise. How could this happen? How could they be overlook my ability?
- Next, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
- Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I deny your no.
- Fourth, anger at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
- Fifth, bargaining (preferably accompanied by optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
- Then, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.
I experienced this for decades.
Notable Precedents
Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Accounts of writers whose work was initially declined are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most American leaders over the last 60 years had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and bid to star were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and get going, not backing down,” he has said.
The Final Phase
As time passed, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Now, I grasp the many reasons why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or have one underway, or be considering that idea for a different writer.
Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or the reader feels I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Or is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Maybe was busy and scanned my piece too quickly to see its value.
Feel free call it an epiphany. Anything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always not up to you.
Within Control
Others are your fault. Honestly, my ideas and work may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my punctuation, especially semicolons, was unacceptable.
The key is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was middle-aged, another, a autobiography, at 65—and over numerous essays. My writings have been published in magazines major and minor, in diverse sources. My debut commentary appeared decades ago—and I have now submitted to that publication for five decades.
Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings publicly, no appearances on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can better take rejection at 73, because my, small achievements have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all today.
Educational Setbacks
Denial can be instructive, but provided that you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What teachings have I acquired?
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